Dance Allows: How I Continue to Find Myself Through Movement
As someone who is quite fresh in the world of dance, I wouldn’t be lying if I said that there were countless times wherein I wanted to stop just because “other people do it better”. Seeing and watching people dance, especially my peers, never fails to leave me in awe -- whether it be because of the choreography, energy, or simply the flavor they give off. It’s always thrilling to see how dancing brings out another persona in people and helps them creatively express what they normally cannot. Being the introverted person I am, dancing expresses things or emotions that are out of the ordinary. Is it expressing affection, unity, rage, or euphoria? It’s performing and the learning process that made me encounter emotions and feelings that the mundane world sometimes fails to offer. More than that, it helped instill in me values and lessons that school doesn’t normally teach.
Though I’ve had a few dance experiences a few years back, everything set sail for me when I decided to audition for my home organization’s Rhythm-in-Blue team. Being the worried and shy guy that I am, I decided to attend the last day of auditions so I can ask the previous attendees what happened and how it was for them. I entered the room smiling to mask the fact that I was trembling because of nervousness. A few minutes upon entering, I acquainted myself with the other people in the room so that I could ask them questions like “Dude what song was used? Mahirap ba? Did you have to freestyle? Yo legit, I can’t do that.” Surprisingly, they were all very friendly and helpful! All we had to do was learn the choreography, perform it in groups in front of them, and then the worst happened -- I had to freestyle. Since I was part of the third (last) group, I began overthinking and wondering what and how the heck am I going to freestyle? Do I even have the moves? (HAHAHAHA). Let’s just hope I do well enough to pass the auditions!
Fast forward to a week later, I received the news that I was accepted! Friends congratulated me, got excited for me, and cheered me on. To say it felt amazing would be an understatement to describe how I really felt. From that point on, I was just looking forward to learning and dancing for the next few months!
Training was tiring as heck and took off a huge chunk from my usual daily schedule. For two months, it was a cycle of thrice a week (which eventually became everyday) 3-hour trainings, conditioning, post-training filming, studying, preparing for my NMAT, and balancing org responsibilities. The extra stress, late nights, worries, doubts, aches, and pains were all there but behind all that was a boy filled with joy and an eager-to-learn mindset. I was so stoked to learn, move, and feel good about myself. After almost every training, I noticed that with every new combo learned, I tell myself “Wow, who knew this kid could move like this?”
Weeks and weeks of (the good kind of) stress and sweat later, we finally performed on stage and the exhilarating feeling as a first timer was overwhelming. My senses were fired up with the bright lights, deafening music, cold sweat, and our coaches' uplifting words which definitely boosted our morale. As we danced in front of a cheering crowd, what felt greater was the synergy our team had. Everything felt right -- like we were puzzle pieces truly meant to complement each other for that three minute performance. All the stress and fatigue from training for two months disappeared as we were on a high while performing that 3-minute piece on stage.
(A big thank you and shoutout to Coach Jolo Santos and Coach Joseph Tumbali of TPM who believed and saw a potential for growth in me!)
During RiB season, I promised myself to take a break from dancing and focus all my efforts on academics. Little did I know that the fire in me to learn more and grow in this craft was still alive. In fact, a few friends of mine even messaged me and was impressed that I chose to continue dancing (even after RiB season). Regardless of whether I was with friends or alone, I found myself still attending many more dance classes in studios. To be frank, my lack of confidence still pushes me to avoid staying in front and comparing myself to the other present around me. Class after class, I’ve come to slowly realize that fear truly does hinder growth. Just the act of attending a class already is an accomplishment in itself for me because it is proof that there will always be a reason to not be scared -- the desire to grow.
Sadly, the COVID pandemic put everything to a halt and forced us all to stay at home. What did I do? My yearning for dance grew even more. I would follow various dancers on Instagram and await their live online classes. In fact, I joined an intensive summer dance camp (turned online) to gain more experience, grow, and keep myself busy. To be honest, it was hard to adjust to this online platform -- because learning dance is really meant to be done with an instructor in front of you, not a screen. However, this new normal has pushed these dance instructors to go beyond and adapt so that they can further share their knowledge and help students like me be on my toes. But throughout the numerous classes I’ve already taken online, I’ve become more aware of my capabilities -- what I can already do, what I can improve on, and have witnessed my growth in this craft I’ve come to love. Nothing compares to that awesome feeling of being able to execute a choreography that I initially thought I couldn’t do, more so with the motivation and inspirational words from our great dance coaches. With all this awareness and immersion in the world of dance, the level of inspiration in me has shot up.
Despite my relatively slow progress and critical self, inviting failure into what I love doing was something I slowly began to do. My coach, Aennon Tabungar (TPM), told us in our last session that “If we don’t experience failure, we don’t commit mistakes. No mistakes equals no success”. This hit me real hard because I personally do not welcome failure like it’s something beneficial for me. But to know that he, one of my greatest dance idols, has gone through so much to reach where he is currently puts so much perspective on my journey as a budding dancer. I’ll forever be grateful for people, like my coaches and friends, who believe in me especially in times when I fail to do so. After posting a bunch of my dance videos on my Instagram, friends of mine slid in my DMs and said things like “I wish I had that confidence bro”, “So proud of you, Ritchie!”, and “Keep it up, you’re super improving!” makes me feel good about myself and my journey. Not that I needed these words to validate what I was doing. I’m just saying that there are people who continue to believe in me and are witnessing what I’m doing and the growth underneath it all.
If there are a few things that I’ve learned and realized through dance, it would be the fact that it builds character and brings identity to people. As much as it is a test of character to continue learning and not give up, it irons one to become confident and strong. Every aspiring dancer wants to be great instantaneously, but enduring with patience and hard work are unavoidable along the way. Giving up and giving in might be something easy to do when things get difficult but having a growth mindset, like a student, is very much important even for those who are already up there in the dance scene. One never stops learning as it is a lifelong process.
So to those who are eager to try something new (like dancing) but are afraid, I just want to encourage you to take that step and give it a try. Being anxious is normal and that is a step towards growth. You don’t know it, but there are people already cheering you on, and one of them is me.
Uncomfortable? Take your time.
Shy? Bring a friend.
Unsatisfied? Be patient and try again.
Want to share/post your own video but don’t know who with/too shy? You can share it with me, I’d love to see it!
Written by: Ritchie Tuazon
Disclaimer: Everything mentioned here are my personal views and experiences
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